


Love in the storm

by Querion



Series: Hope [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Comforting Kathryn, F/F, Five Stages of Grief, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-12 10:24:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18009161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Querion/pseuds/Querion
Summary: After Kathryn Janeway, a NASA engineer, has been rescued from alien beings by her faithful work colleagues, she comes to grips with her ordeal. A friend and colleague, Annika Hansen, offers her a shoulder to cry on, but soon Annika realizes that she may have bitten off more than she can chew.





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow up from "Order From Chaos." Please note that some of the names have been slightly changed to give the characters an air of "normality" and to suit the 21st Century lifestyle and names. Tuvok and Chakotay have been given first names. 
> 
> There is a lot of emotions and feelings as Janeway tries to comprehend her major changed body and lifestyle changes and what this all means for her future in forming a relationship.
> 
> Kudos and reviews are welcome :)

Tyrel Tuvok, one of the member of the small group of amateur investigators, sent a message through his radio to Tom Paris and Phoebe Janeway who remained on the plane, to inform them of the status of the search.

 _"You`ve found her? Really? That easy? Thank goodness she`s alive!"_ Tom exclaimed excitedly and passed on the radio to Phoebe.

" _Is Kathryn ok? Can i come over to see her, Tuvok?"_

" _That will not be necessary, Phoebe. We`ll bring her to the plane shortly. Just remember to avoid asking her too many questions about her ordeal. She cannot handle that now."_  Tuvok said. He was very protective of his Old Friend. He and Kathryn Janeway have been friends for twenty years mostly working together on different projects and building engines.

 _OK, I`ll be waiting."Thank you."_ The younger Janeway said and broke off communication. She sighed in great relief that her sister was not only found, but also alive.

 

  The group agreed that since Kathryn did not seem to be in any physical danger, they would stay the night in the Amazon jungle and start their journey back to civilization in the morning. Annika and B`Elanna took her down to the stream and helped her wash off all the caked on mud she had smeared on herself as a survival method. It was not easy but they soon managed the task. The men had collected twigs, dry tree barks and branches and had started a fire at Janeway`s camp site. They brought out water bottles and snacks for all to share. The men decided to sleep outside as there was not much room in the small Cessna. Kathryn was to spend the night in the plane with B`Elanna, Annika and Phoebe but Torres offered to go hunting with Paris. She claimed that she knew a few animals she could hunt with the pistol Peter Chakotay had given everyone at the start of their journey. Annika shook her head in disbelief at that because it was obvious to everyone that Torres wanted to spend some quality time with her boyfriend, Thomas Paris. Chakotay warned the love-struck couple to be on the lookout for dangerous animals, that they should not stray too far, which caused the group to laugh.

 

Kathryn Janeway insisted on walking the short distance from where she was found to the plane despite feeling generally weak. Annika offered to wheel her on the green exam table Kathryn had used as a bed but Janeway refused. The truth was that she did not want to lay on the stretcher because it reminded her of what she went through in the alien ship. So Annika and Harry Kim helped her walk slowly until they reached the plane. Janeway was surprised when she saw her younger sister at the back of the plane. Phoebe flew at her older sister and hugged her fiercely while sobbing in Janeway`s hair.

 _"Oh, Sis, don`t ever scare me like that again, you hear me?_   She said huskily amidst tears of joy. Kathryn could only hug her back. She felt hot tears run down her cheeks but no sound came. Kathryn knew that she was grateful to see her sister and friends but what she really wanted was to be left alone for a while. 

" _Yeah, i missed you too, Phoebs. Now i`m really exhausted. Can i lie down for a bit?"_

 _"Sure, Sis. Here, let me help you."_ Phoebe showed Kathryn a secluded corner at the back of the plane where she laid some linen she brought. Kathryn looked at the cosy little spot. It seemed so inviting but she was afraid to lay down on it in case everything was just an illusion. She looked up at Phoebe, forced a smile and thanked her. Kathryn felt that there was no reason to smile. She had lost everything. Her life`s work, the space folding engine, her love for Annika Hansen as she wondered whether the young woman would still want to be with her after knowing that she was disfigured and that she had lost her internal organ and her breasts. She felt a bitter taste in her mouth as grief threatened to overwhelm her. Kathryn sighed and pushed the feeling deep down her mind. She wanted to lock the grief away with a key but it would not fit through the lock.

" _Damn!"_   Kathryn said quietly and sat on the make shift bed her sister had made her. The two sisters were alone for a while then Annika returned. She had been talking to Harry Kim about something.

 

Annika walked cautiously towards Kathryn and sat beside her, uninvited. She sat quietly and held Kathryn`s hand in hers. Kathryn looked at Annika. She wanted to tell her to back away, to leave her alone, that there was never going to be anything between them, that the kiss they shared meant nothing, but Kathryn felt the warmth radiating from Annika`s body, the closeness gave her comfort and relief. Phoebe looked back from where she sat at the cock pit. What she saw somehow puzzled her but she was intuitive enough to look away and give her sister some space and privacy.

 

Kathryn Janeway was lying in Annika`s lap while Annika played with her hair seemingly soothing her. Her head was bent toward Kathryn`s ear possibly whispering something in her ear. Phoebe wanted to jump up and cheer but she knew this was not the time and place for it. She was a bit surprised at her sister`s choice or was she reading too much into things? She knew that her sister was somehow involved with a university professor called Mark Johnson. She even saw them involved in what Phoebe thought was an intimate embrace. The man had been to Indiana to see Kathryn`s mother. Phoebe now had to revise her theory. Was Kathryn bisexual? Her older sibling had always been a mystery when it came to matters of the heart. Perhaps Annika was merely providing some emotional support to her superior. 

 

The following morning the group collected a few samples of burnt vegetation, soil, water and stones and the trolley they thought would help them find out who Kathryn`s abductors really were. Then they started off their journey back to the United States of America. Once they arrived in Washington, Phoebe had contacted her mother to update her. The senior Janeway was elated and immediately went online to book herself a plane from Bloomington, Indiana to Washington, D.C. 

 

As soon as the group arrived Kathryn was taken straight into hospital to meet Dr Lewis Zimmerman. He was a surgeon at the George Washington University Hospital in the Centre for Trauma and Critical Care Department. He also held advanced degrees in plastic surgery, paediatrics and specialty in women`s services. He and Kathryn had first met at a NASA symposium where she made a presentation on the theoretical effects of space travel while using space folding engines. Dr Zimmerman made a presentation soon after Kathryn`s presentation. His presentation seemed to counter most of the facts just presented by the NASA engineer. Suffice it to say that the two started off on the wrong foot. That was twenty years ago. They had been in touch ever since updating each other on their research findings and meeting up for coffee any chances they both got off their busy schedules.

 

Lewis stood at the entrance of the trauma unit, waiting for his friend to arrive. A few minutes later, the whole group of seven friends, family and colleagues walked in. Kathryn was flanked by Annika and Phoebe Janeway. Lewis thought his friend looked pale, sad and exhausted.

" _Come in, come in. So, Kathryn you`ve managed to get yourself into trouble again?"_ He asked with his usual brusqueness. Janeway smiled at him but Phoebe who was observing her sister closely thought the smile did no reach Kathryn`s eyes. 

 _"Oh you won`t believe what i`ve got myself into this time, Doc."_ Janeway said dryly.

 

Zimmerman took Janeway in while everybody waited outside. She stripped down to her waist and lay on the examination table. He scanned and probed her while Kathryn tried not to think too much about examination tables and her recent ordeal on a similar looking table.

" _Hmm, it seemed they were experimenting on you being the first human they had come into contact with. The breast tissue has been taken away expertly. I can reconstruct them using your own body tissue then i can use breast implants to rebuild the shape. As for the uterus they seemed to only have taken the uterus and left everything else in. Both of your ovaries are intact. That`s a good thing because you will still have the hormones estrogen and progesterone. You still have your tubes, cervix and the vagina. As for the uterus itself  you can get a transplant if w get a donor."_ Zimmerman said as he finished doing his scans and blood tests. 

 

Kathryn Janeway sat up and got dressed. She felt depression seeping through her conscious mind. She clamped it down as best as she could and relaxed marginally.

" _Doctor, i can`t stay alone in my house. Investigators have been there and i think i`ll ask for a transfer to Ames research facility in California. Maybe aliens won`t find me there."_ Janeway said while the Doctor snorted and laughed.

" _Kathryn, i`ve known you and the others for twenty years now. I`ll do anything to help you, wherever you may be. The only good thing which has come out of your ordeal is the healing properties and immunity you now posses. The nano machines running through your blood stream are an amazing piece of engineering. I will try to see if i can use them to reconstruct your lost tissues."_

 

 

Annika moved into Janeway`s house to provide companionship and support as Janeway could not be alone. At night she would have nightmares where she would scream or shout out random words Annika had never heard before. The young woman tried to keep a list to see if she could make sense of them. Initially Annika Hansen slept in the guest room but after she heard Kathryn having nightmares a few times every night she decided to try a different approach. One night she stayed with Janeway until she slept then she climbed into bed with her and embraced her from behind. Kathryn slept peacefully that night. When she started stirring Annika rocked her and whisper things into Kathryn`s ear until the older woman fell back asleep.

 

The following morning Janeway felt refreshed for the first time in days. Annika had been trying for days to get Kathryn to talk about her ordeal in many indirect ways but every time Kathryn seemed to have sensed that and she avoided the topic by downplaying everything remotely related to her ordeal. Annika had cooked pasta for dinner one evening. They sat at the kitchen table to eat. 

 _"Annika, the food looks lovely. Thank you, but did you have to serve it on green plates?"_ Annika looked hurt at first then soon recovered after she remembered what that meant.

 _"I am sorry, Kathryn. I will correct the error."_ Annika said and took the plate away and served her friend in a brown plate instead.

 _"Error? Are you a Cy..."_ Janeway caught herself and sighed. She realized that suppressing her anger was just making things worse. She was venting anger at an innocent person. This was getting out of hand. She suddenly got up and took the green plates in her hands. She smashed them on the floor and trampled on them underfoot. A few seconds later she seemed to have realized what she had done. She gasped and looked at Annika with horror.

 _"I...will clean that up. I am sorry, Annika. The food looks lovely but i really don`t know what came over me. Will you forgive me, please?"_ Kathryn said as she looked at Annika`s blue eyes. Annika looked back in Kathryn`s grey eyes longer than social etiquette dictated.

" _I am sorry too, Kathryn. Let us both clean the mess up and we can have dinner."_   Kathryn nodded her head and went to find a dust pan and brush. 


	2. Finding each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway is on an extended sick leave from work. Annika moves in with her to offer moral support. The women get so close to each other that Gretchen Janeway does not know what to make of their closeness.

**A FEW DAYS LATER**

 

" _Kathryn, how are you feeling?"_ Gretchen Janeway asked as she sat down on the couch opposite Kathryn`s. Janeway was on sick leave, recuperating and Annika had moved most of her things in the guest bedroom. Gretchen flew from Bloomington to Washington a few days later because she had to organize the farm before she left. Investigator Collins Blue had already been to see Kathryn at her house to interview her and take a statement. He had to pay her subsequent visits because Kathryn had simply refused to talk to him the first day he arrived. The reason she had given him was that she was simply angry and did not want to talk about it. The second time she told him that her friend was not around, that she would prefer that he interviewed her while she was present. The third time, Blue believed that this time he was going to be lucky, Annika was present and Janeway was willing to talk about her kidnapping.

" _I feel like an alien`s toy. Sometimes i hear voices in my head, a sort of chanting. I think they`re calling me home!"_ Gretchen was horrified by her daughter`s reply. She could feel the anger emanating from Kathryn`s every pore.

" _I can`t begin to understand what you`ve been through, Katie, but know that i love you and that everything happens for a reason.."_ Gretchen was cut off by Kathryn.

" _What type of mother are you? You believe being mutilated happens for a reason? They cut off my bre...and took out my uter... and i have machines in my..."_ Janeway said and took off her tee shirt to show her mother her topless torso. Then she broke down and started to sob violently. Her shoulders shook as she tried to control her rebelling body. Gretchen watched her for a few moments, letting her cry. The senior Janeway believed that her daughter may be beginning to heal and open up by talking about things. Soon Kathryn stopped crying and wiped tears off her face with the back of her hand. Her shoulders occasionally shook and finally stopped. Janeway felt warmth and when she looked up she felt her mother kiss her bare shoulder then Gretchen picked up the tee shirt from the floor and put it over Kathryn`s head and dressed her just like she did when Kathryn was a little girl and upset.

" _So sorry for the outburst, Mum. It was uncalled for. Can you forgive me?"_ Kathryn said quietly. She looked up at her mother who was now sitting on the couch next to her. She was rubbing her shoulders and back soothingly. The actions took Kathryn back to when she was a little girl and hurting. Her mother would do the exact same thing she did now.

" _Thank you for showing me how you feel. I will be here if you need me. Even when i return to Bloomington, remember i`ll just be a phone call away. From what Dr Zimmerman told me they did not take everything out of your systems so you will be able to procreate if you want later. As for your breasts many women live without them and lead a perfectly normal life. Remember, i am your mother, feel free to talk to me whenever you feel like. OK?"_ Gretchen said as she continued to soothingly rub her daughter`s back. Soon Janeway felt drowsy and started to doze off. She placed her head on her mother`s lap and relaxed. 

 

Annika Hansen returned home from the super market where she did some grocery shopping. When Kathryn heard the back door open and close she quickly sat up and made herself presentable. Gretchen wondered why she reacted that way.

_"Katie,_   _are you and Annika...?"_

_"No, mother, Annika is my best friend."_ Janeway cut her mother off and stood up to go to the kitchen leaving Gretchen wondering why her daughter was so guarded when Annika was around. Did the two circle around each other in this manner. The older woman had witnessed how Annika behaved in a similar manner earlier in the day. Kathryn had said something at the kitchen table at lunch. Annika unconsciously reached a hand and covered Kathryn`s with hers while they both looked into each other`s eyes intensely. Soon Annika seemed to have realized something and pulled her hand away as if Kathryn`s hand was hot.

 

Annika smiled at her friend and placed her shopping bags on the kitchen counter. She walked to Kathryn and hugged her. They stayed in the embrace, enjoying each other`s warmth for a while then Kathryn pulled out of the embrace. When she looked up into Annika`s eyes she recognized something. Her pupils were dilated. Was it desire? Need? Kathryn laughed self consciously and helped put the shopping away.

" _I did not find the coffee you like at the super market so i went to Quentin to seek advice. So he gave me this."_ Annika said as she fished a small aluminium can out of her purse and placed it in Kathryn`s hand. Janeway turned it around at all angles to look at it. Finally she opened it and pierced the thin aluminium layer with her finger and took the lid off. The heavenly scent of fresh coffee which greeted Janeway`s sense of smell was beautiful. She put the lid back on and looked at Annika with a lopsided smile on her lips.

_"Thank you, Annika. You`ve done so many things for me and all i do is treat you badly. I don`t deserve your friendship."_ Janeway said dejectedly. She crossed both arms across her chest and turned her back to Annika. She seemed be in deep thoughts when she felt someone standing behind her. 

 

Annika had been thinking of her interactions with Kathryn. She admitted that her offer to share accommodation with Kathryn was selfish. When she slept in Kathryn`s bed something had awakened in her. She did not know what it was as she was a virgin but deep down Annika knew that it was sexual desire. She wanted to help Kathryn recover but she also wanted to be with Kathryn, hoping Janeway had feelings for her. She knew it was too early and the timing was a bit off as Kathryn was still recuperating from her ordeal. She was yet to go through the five stages of grief which Annika was aware of.

 

Annika  saw Kathryn pull away from her both physically and emotionally. She decided to do something. She walked to the corner where Kathryn stood with arms across her chest and embraced her from behind. Slowly she felt the older woman relax in the embrace. A few moments later, Annika was overjoyed when she saw Kathryn turn to face her and reached up to kiss her on the cheek. Annika encouraged the kiss by tilting her head slightly. The action caused Kathryn to "miss" the cheek she seemed to be keen on kissing and ended up kissing Annika on the mouth. Memories of a few days ago came flooding back to Janeway. The time when Annika first saw her in the Amazon jungle. They had kissed passionately then. Now Kathryn felt the same urge to kiss her friend. It seemed that the feeling was mutual because Annika escalated the kiss. When Kathryn opened her mouth in an attempt at reminding the young woman that her mother was only a few metres away in the living room, Annika took advantage of this and entered Kathryn`s mouth. Her tongue explored Janeway`s mouth and soon they were kissing in a frenzy.

 

Gretchen decided to go and help Annika prepare dinner so she placed the knitting magazine she was perusing on the coffee table. As she walked towards the kitchen the elder Janeway heard sounds. At first she thought that Kathryn had gone to cry somewhere but she soon discarded the idea when she saw something through the half opened door. Annika`s arms protectively engulfed her daughter in an intimate embrace while her daughter`s were around the young woman`s waist. They were kissing passionately. Getchen backed away quietly, hoping she was not seen by the younger women. She smiled to herself at the welcoming scene but a moment  later Gretchen`s smile was turned into a frown. She remembered that Kathryn was involved with Professor Mark Johnson. So what was her daughter doing with Annika?     


	3. Mother, i`m gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway is uncertain as to how to "come out" to her mother. Gretchen gives the new girlfriends her blessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments please :)

Gretchen Janeway returned to the living room. She wondered why Kathryn was defensive when asked of her relationship with Annika earlier? She also wondered whether her daughter was cheating on Professor Johnson? The older woman thought long and hard and finally decided to confront her daughter, preferably after dinner. She gave the young women a few more minutes to finish their thing and went back to the kitchen. This time she noted that the kitchen door was shut. Gretchen sighed. What was her daughter up to?

 

The two women had to stop kissing so that they could breathe. They still stood within each other`s personal spaces and Annika was now caressing the soft and silky auburn locks she had been wanting to touch for so long. Kathryn, on the other hand, leaned her head on Annika`s shoulder and closed her eyes. They stayed in this position for a while until Kathryn remembered something. She turned around and extricated herself from the warm embrace.

" _Damn! I forgot to close the door. Mum may have heard us."_ Janeway went to close the kitchen door then it struck her. She realized her mistake the moment the words left her mouth. She mentally kicked herself but knew that she could not take the words back. She just needed to clarify things to the young woman.

" _So, you are ashamed of me? I realize that i lack experience and inadequate as i am a...virgin, but i was hoping that you would teach me how to love you in an acceptable manner sometime."_ The young woman said in a small voice. She hated the fact that she was still a virgin at her age of twenty eight. She had completely lost her confidence and wondered whether her minutes old relationship had just ended. 

" _Annika, look. I`m sorry, i didn`t mean anything bad when i said that. It`s just...weird to be intimate while i know that my mother is in the next room. God, i want you so much and i`m really trying to restrain myself, don`t you see?  The fact that you`re a virgin has nothing to do with anything. Please my Darling. You have to believe me. I love you."_ Janeway pleaded with her new girlfriend. Then she reached up and kissed her sweetly.

" _Want me to show you how much i love you tonight?"_

" _Yes please."_

" _Do i have to show you in the guest room?"_

_"Not really."_

" _Okay then. In my bedroom."_ Annika took a deep breath and felt a bit reassured and incredibly aroused. The young woman did not know what exactly arousal was but she knew her own body`s reactions to this woman standing in front of her. Annika looked down into her girlfriend`s eyes and sighed happily.

" _I love you too, Kathryn Janeway."_

 

Dinner was a quiet affair as the new girlfriends shared shy smiles between them every few minutes. Gretchen was intuitive enough to not tease them or mention anything related to them as what she suspected that they seemed  to have changed the parameters of their relationship. She still wanted to talk to her daughter, wanting Kathryn to clarify things to her as she did not want Annika or Kathryn hurt in the long run due to Kathryn`s involvement with Mark Johnson. After they finished supper Janeway and her mother cleared the table while Annika went to the guest bedroom.

" _Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, i believe you owe me an explanation or two. Don`t you think?"_

" _Regarding?"_ Janeway said but when she saw her mother give her what she and Phoebe called a "force ten glare" she relented.

" _Okay, okay, Mum. I will. How about after we`ve finished here?"_

" _That would probably be a good idea."_ Gretchen said seriously causing Janeway to sigh. How will she tell her "old fashioned" mother that she no longer loved Mark and never really have? That she was attracted to women, that she had always loved women, that her relationship with Mark was to see if she was straight, that Mark had called her "frigid" when they attempted to be intimate? That she loved Annika and have loved her for a while? Will Gretchen understand all this? She knew Phoebe might, being young and more liberal, but her mother was another story.  

 

Annika returned from the guest room and walked past the living room on her way to the kitchen. She hesitated a bit when she saw Kathryn and Gretchen sitting opposite each other. She was unsure whether she should join them or not. Janeway discreetly indicated that Annika should go to Kathryn`s bedroom and that she will meet her there. Annika nodded slightly and continued on to the kitchen.

" _So what`s new, Katie?"_ _Gretchen said in a serious tone._

_"Uh, where do you want me to start, Mum?"_ Kathryn temporized.

" _How about the part where you were kissing someone else while you have a fiance?"_

_"Mum, i...don`t like Mark, i`ve never really liked him. I was only with him to see if i was straight but things did not work out. He knows that i don`t love him and he`s not my fiance but he`s constantly asking me to take him back..."_ Kathryn`s voice trailed at the end.

_"What do you mean_   _things didn`t work out?"_

_"I, uh, we...tried things but i didn`t like it so i told him, never again. He understood but he still doesn`t know the reason why i...we were never really intimate."_

 

Gretchen had to fill the gaps to try and understand what her daughter was really trying to say. Finally it dawned on her that Kathryn was trying to come out to her.

_"Oh, Darling! Come here."_ Gretchen said as understanding dawned on her. " _Why didn`t you tell me?"_ The older Janeway went to hug her daughter. She noted that Janeway`s body was tense. So Gretchen continued to hug her. A moment later she slowly felt Kathryn`s body loosen up and arms came to her mother`s waist as she hugged Gretchen back. They stayed that way for a while then Gretchen went back to sit on the couch.

" _We never really talk about this stuff so i was scared that if i did you may have disowned me. I respect your opinions and whatever you say matters to me greatly. I couldn`t stand being rejected by you..."_ Janeway said in a timid voice. She hated feeling helpless but her mother had to know her deepest, darkest secret.

 

So Gretchen began the task of reassuring her daughter and finally asked Kathryn to call Annika so she could talk to both of them. The senior Janeway raised an eye brow when she saw Annika emerge from Kathryn`s bedroom. She wondered at the speed at which her daughter conducted this relationship unlike Mark where they were engaged for two years and there seemed to be no end to it or a set date for a wedding. She chastised herself for her strictness which caused Kathryn to doubt her love for her as a mother. Annika told Gretchen that her aunt Irene Hansen, her father`s sister who raised her, knew about her being attracted to women but that she has never had a relationship before. Gretchen Janeway thought that was too much information from Annika but she was glad that the young woman was open to discuss such matters. Finally Gretchen gave them her blessing and retired to her bedroom, not before she warned them that she was an old woman and needed her beauty sleep. Annika did not understand what Gretchen had just said and made a note to ask Kathryn what Gretchen meant later. She was surprised to see Kathryn`s cheeks colour. There must be something she missed. 

 


	4. Instruction manual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway wonders how to go about her new relationship with Hansen. She desperately wished there was an instruction manual on how to handle a new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter about acceptance in the third stage of grief.

Janeway and Annika retired to Kathryn`s bedroom. Annika stood in the middle of the room and regarded the large bed with uncertainty. She wondered what she was going to do in it. Was there a protocol for first time cuddling? What about lovemaking? She sighed and went to the en suite to prepare for bed. When she returned she found Kathryn standing on the same spot she was a few minutes ago.

 

Janeway seemed to be in serious contemplation about something. She wondered what the protocol was regarding first time intimacy with one`s new girlfriend. Did they have to make love straight away? What if Annika does not like what she sees? God, she did not even have breasts and a uterus. God knows what else did she not have. Kathryn doubted Annika will stay after she told her the truth about herself. Kathryn was lost in thought, self doubt and low self esteem. Finally she made up her mind that she was going to terminate her relationship with the young woman. Her heart bled at that but she was convinced it was for the best. It was better she cut herself off from Annika before complex feelings set in. She sighed and was about to sit at the edge of the bed to rehearse what she was going to say. Suddenly Janeway was engulfed in a warm embrace from behind. She knew who it was but she had to practice distancing herself from the young woman so Kathryn did just that. She extricated herself from the warm embrace which she had grown to find peace and security.

 _"My Kathryn._ _i_   _have missed you so much."_   Annika purred but reality came crashing down on her when she felt Kathryn pull away physically from her. Annika knew instinctively that the older woman had probably also pulled away mentally. The young woman sighed and braced herself.

" _Kathryn, what is wrong?"_

 _"We need to talk."_ Annika`s heart sank.

 

The two women sat side by side at the edge of the big bed. Kathryn made sure there was a gap between them. If she was going to break up with her girlfriend she may as well start practising staying away from the inviting warmth radiating from Annika`s body.

" _Uh, Annika, there are things you don`t know about me..."_  Kathryn started her brave speech.  _"I don`t think we made the right decision when we agreed to start a relationship. I won`t be able to make you happy. When i was kidnapped, my body was mutilated by those Borgs. They cut off...certain body parts and ripped me open. I may have also been raped but i have no way of knowing this. On top of that i have these machines inside me. I am not me anymore. I am probably an alien- human prototype...."_ Kathryn paused unexpectedly. She planned to show the other woman her bare chest but things seemed to have gone wrong. She now felt like crying her heart out and had no courage to continue with her speech.

 

Annika sat next to Kathryn and listened to Janeway talk. As the monologue went on Annika had closed the gap between them and was now holding one of Kathryn`s hands in hers. She drew small circles which she hoped were soothing to Janeway. Of course Annika had hacked into Kathryn`s computer and had read the other woman`s journal, as suggested by Janeway`s counselor. It detailed all her brutal encounter on the alien ship. Annika knew that Kathryn had lost both her breasts, uterus and the fact that she now possessed millions of nano machines swarming in her bloodstream.

 _"Oh,_ _Kathryn. I am really sorry about what you have been through and i cannot begin to imagine how you feel about things after the ordeal. I moved here to be with you partly because i wanted to help a friend and colleague but the real reason was because i love you. You may have lost some of your organs and look and feel different but to me you are still Kathryn Janeway, my beautiful girlfriend who i hope to marry one day. Could you please give me a chance to love you? Could you give us a chance?"_ Azure eyes pierced through gray ones.

 

Janeway could not trust herself with words. She reached towards her companion and kissed her on the mouth. Annika felt Kathryn move towards her and started to kiss her so the young woman reciprocated in kind. They both had tears in their eyes as both women wept for different reason but the reasons were all related to their relationship. They kissed some more until they had to stop to breathe.

 

" _Uh, Annika? What happens now? I have no idea how to proceed."_ Janeway said. Annika could sense nervousness in her voice.

" _Do not look at me, Kathryn. I am clueless as to how to proceed as well. Perhaps we should just go to sleep and see where things go."_

 _"Sleeping it is then."_ Kathryn said, laughter tingeing her voice.

 

So the two girlfriends settled down in the middle of Kathryn`s queen size bed and cuddled up together. After a long while Kathryn felt the need to apologize for her inexperience.

" _I_   _wish there was an instruction manual for new girlfriends."_

_"I will be your instruction manual, Kathryn."_

_"Oh? I thought you said you were clueless regarding, you know...?"_

_"Kathryn, are you really such a prude that you cannot even say the word sex? I may be a virgin but i will have you know that i have been practising."_

_"Maybe i am a prude, maybe not...?"_ Janeway said.

"Y _ou have been, uh, practising?"_ Kathryn said with interest causing Annika to roll her eyes.

" _Yes, i have. I am a scientist."_

_"Of course, you are. Now could you show me what you`ve been practising?"_

_"Perhaps i will show you some other day."_

_"Okay, i`ll be waiting."_

 


	5. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika`s investigative instinct opens up a can of worms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos :)

Annika had taken some time off work to be with her girlfriend. She wanted to accompany her to see doctor Lewis Zimmerman regarding some tests he conducted with the nano machines and samples of Kathryn`s tissues. The doctor hoped that the machines could be able to reconstruct lost tissues and organs. That was how they caused healing to occur. He had tried instructing them to build a silicone breast from scratch in his laboratory. He inputted a template of how a human mammary gland looked like then left them to it. Two and a half hours later the nano machines had constructed a silicone breast. The doctor realized that there was a new problem. The machines went into a dormant state once they had finished their task. Was it because they were tired and required a period of respite before they resumed another task. He wondered how that translated when they were inside living tissues? What did that mean for Kathryn? Will she need to be plugged in somewhere like a handheld electronic device to charge? Zimmerman sighed. He realized that he was out of his depth but if he worked with his friends they may be able to come up with a machine of sorts which will enable Kathryn to _recharge her_ _batteries_ so to speak.  

 

The women were in Kathryn`s bedroom. Annika sat leaning against the head board while holding her girlfriend in her arms. She nuzzled Kathryn`s silky red locks and took a deep breath in. Her hands slowly caressed Janeway`s arms causing goosebumps to emerge.

 

" _Kathryn, we are almost out of coffee again so i must do some grocery shopping first thing tomorrow morning."_ Annika said lazily as her lips were now tracing a delectable shell of Kathryn`s ear. 

_"Hmm? Must you really go early in the morning? I like waking up in your arms in the morning."_ Kathryn complained.

 

" _...and then i shall return straight back to you..."_ Annika said and kissed the ear then sucked it into her mouth. She felt Kathryn shiver. Annika smiled triumphantly. Maybe tonight she will get somewhere with this game. 

 

The young woman had tried to make advances at Kathryn but the other woman would always find an excuse to not return the feelings. Kathryn would either ignore the signs or she was oblivious to them. The truth was Kathryn had major issues about her body image. The fact that she had been mutilated by aliens remained a major concern for her. Annika had tried reassuring her that she loved her despite everything but Janeway was yet to be convinced. Annika hoped that her girlfriend may get convinced once they made love but it seemed that Kathryn was rejecting her love, which Annika knew was not the case. It was confusing. The young woman decided to see Quentin, the tall dark haired man who owned Kathryn`s favourite coffee shop down the street. Annika and Kathryn had been to the coffee shop together a few times and Annika saw the interaction between her girlfriend and the man, who liked to be called  _"Q."_   Q was a bit odd, he did not seem to know the most obvious things which everybody should know about but he was quite knowledgeable. He claimed that he knew about space aliens who visited Earth recently and he also talked about the future as if he had an open book behind the counter which he referred to as he spoke. 

 

Despite Q`s oddity Annika grew to be fond of him. She decided that any friend of Kathryn`s was also her friend. So on her way to the super market she made a detour to Q`s.

 

" _Hello, Annika. I have been meaning to ask you, when were you born?"_

_"July the seventh. Why?"_

_"Nothing. I just like knowing people`s private little details. Can i call you, Seven, then?"_

_"Um, it is not my name but okaay...?"_

_"Thank you. Where`s Kathy?"_

_"She`s still in bed."_

_"At this hour?"_ Annika thought she saw Q produce a wrist watch out of thin air.

 _"Are you a magician?"_ Annika said as Q handed her a cup of herbal tea and a small aluminium container full of coffee for Kathryn. She was sure there was no wrist watch on his wrist before. It was either her vision was playing tricks on her or he was a magician. Annika saw his facial expression change from happy to being shocked but he quickly recovered. 

" _Yes....you could say that!"_ The man thought quickly and replied. He looked back to the kitchen where all his blends were prepared and saw his wife shake her head in silent disapproval.

 

Being the only customer and since it was early morning, Annika drank her tea slowly while half listening to what Q was talking about. The man liked talking about the latest news and trivia with the eagerness of a ten year old child. She briefly wondered where he grew up and considered asking him.

 _"Oh, in case you`re wondering. I`m from Philadelphia. I only moved to Washington because i like it here."_ Annika peered into her cup and looked up at Q who was busily dusting the counter with a rag. She wondered whether herbal tea had hallucinating properties? Or was her desperation at wanting to get laid affecting her cognitive processes? Annika shook her head and decided to investigate Quentin more.

 

" _Okay, Quentin. Thank you for the tea and Kathryn`s coffee. Are you sure you don`t need any money for it? I don`t even know what her obsession is with this drink. I must go shopping before Kathryn wakes up. She will need her coffee."_

" _No, i like your friend very much. You have no idea what she is capable of, or rather her counterpart...somewhere."_ Annika made a face as if she had eaten a lemon at Q and left the coffee house. She was in deep thought about how odd Q seemed to be behaving but then decided to continue her investigation discreetly. Q seemed to be a mind reader and a magician. She will have to talk to Kathryn about it when she gets home.

" _Oh, i almost forgot to tell you that you should drive through 7th street, the other one is quite congested. It will take you a while to get home."_ Q advised and went back into the shop to continue with his tidying up chore while Annika drove out of the tiny parking lot towards 7th Street. She was going to prove that Q was telling the truth by doing what he suggested.

 

" _Honey, what were you doing with that inferior bipedal? You could have easily blown up our cover, you know."_ Priscilla admonished.

 _"Now, now_    _stop being mean to the little humans. We`ve been married a few billion years now and you still doubt my love for you? They`re lovely people. You already know Kathy? She`s so pure at heart you`ll think she wasn`t related to her counterpart at all. I am seriously considering helping her heal, you know, give her organs back. "_

 

 _"You are not to tell these people anything. We were only sent here to observe their progress and not interfere."_ Priscilla said as she came out of the back to kiss her husband on the mouth. He turned around and kissed her back until they had to stop when someone cleared their throat.

 _"Excuse me, Sir, could we have a cup of coffee please?"_ A diminutive man with the strangest looking beard and black spots on his face said. Q thought he looked like a hedge hog but he did not voice his opinion. A shorter woman with long curly blonde hair stood beside him. Q rather liked her.

 

" _So, what would you like?"_ Q asked as he extricated himself from his wife`s warm embrace to attend the the customers.

" _Coffee for me and herbal tea for Kes, please."_ The man said. Quentin decided that he will have to force himself to like the man for Kes` sake so he smiled at them.

" _Coming up!"_

_"Here you go, Kes and this one`s for you, Neelux....what did you say your name was, again?"_

_"Neelix."_

_"Netflix?"_

_"Neelix."_

_"Neelix."_ Quentin finally said. The diminutive man wondered when he told the tall man his name then he assumed that it was just a lucky guess.

 

Neelix and Kes had finished their drinks and headed out of The Q. It was a busy night at the hospital. Kes witnessed the nano machines at work as doctor Zimmerman`s nurse. She thought it odd that Zimmerman asked her to keep the knowledge of the nano machines a secret, stating that it was out of this world technology which must be kept under wraps for now. She confided in Neelix, her boyfriend and laboratory assistant, to not mention anything about them. He was aware of the patient who possessed the technologically advanced little machines because of his job. He had received a sample from doctor Zimmerman a couple of weeks previously with Kathryn Janeway`s name the famous engineer on them. He was told to never mention anything about the samples or Kathryn Janeway. 

 

An hour later Annika returned home to find Janeway peering inside an empty coffee container. She had adorable tousled hair and her pajama bottoms and bare feet caused Annika to want to jump on her and make love to her right there on the kitchen table. She had to consciously control her impulses and take things slowly.

" _You are awake? It is only 08:30 in the morning. Look what i`ve brought you."_ Annika said as she placed her shopping in the right places. She took a pack or oranges and placed it in a large fruit bowl along side other fruits.

" _You bought me oranges?"_ Kathryn pouted.

 _"No silly, this."_ Annika brought out an aluminium container full of coffee and gave it to Kathryn. ".. _.and the oranges, yes. Not like you eat any fruits, i may have to force you later."_ The young woman said. Kathryn looked at her girlfriend with shining blue eyes and gave her a lop sided smile which melted the young woman`s heart. Annika took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled it to compose herself.

 

 _"Coffeee."_ Kathryn said wondrously causing Annika to roll her eyes.

" _Quentin says he likes you. Should i be worried?"_

 _"Nah, he`s married and i`m not his type."_ Janeway said as she went to get her coffee mug.

 

During breakfast Annika told Kathryn all about Quentin and that she believed he was an alien to which Janeway laughed. When she looked at Annika and saw that she was not laughing, Kathryn decided to indulge her girlfriend.

_"You may be on to something, Annika. Quentin seems to know things about me that i never told him. I always dismiss them for common knowledge. Come to think of it he correctly guessed my birthday, but that could be just a lucky guess. He always tells me that i resemble someone he knows very well. He never told me where this other Kathryn lives but that was how we got to know each other the first time we met. He has been calling me Kathy."_

_"...and he asked to call me, Seven, because July 7th is my birthday."_

_"Weird."_   Janeway said.

 _"Indeed."_ Annika said but she was glad that Kathryn seemed to agree that something was off with the tall dark haired man who gave Kathryn the most delicious coffee in the world.

 

 

 


	6. Borrowed time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn has strange dreams. Could it be the result of her ordeal? Or could there be more going on? Nano machines take over her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Just a warning that this chapter is about terminal illness. If it`s not for you may i suggest you wait for the next chapter. I promise things will get better. Just hang in there a while longer***

Kathryn sat on the bridge of a strange looking ship. Strangely there was no wobbling as she remembered her grand father`s boat sailing on the sea when she was a child, but then this ship was quite large. It was larger than the shuttle Discovery. She saw it and was part of the crew who welded and put it together. A few moments later Kathryn looked down at her outfit. She was wearing a sort of uniform. It was black and red, black pair of trousers and a black and red jacket with a purple tunic. Her boots were polished to a shine. Janeway stood from the comfortable chair, which seemed to have been molded perfectly to her form, and looked at the very long screen in front of the ship. She assumed that was a window of sorts. She saw a sandy haired man in a uniform similar to hers sitting at the controls. The man bore a striking resemblance to Tom Paris whom she worked with at the Propulsion laboratory. When she turned behind her Janeway saw a woman standing at another console. She had strange lines on her fore head which gave her a severe look. The woman, who slightly resembled B`Elanna Torres from her engineering team at work, had a gold and black uniform on which was similar in design to hers. Another console was occupied by a dark haired man who could easily be mistaken for Harry Kim, also from her engineering team at work. To the right of her chair was another console where another familiar person stood. The tall, lean man resembled someone she knew, but his ears were pointed at the tips, other than that he could easily pass for Tyrel Tuvok.

 

Janeway did a three hundred and sixty turn around the bridge and sat back down on the comfortable chair which she assumed was the captain`s chair. Kathryn wondered where the captain had gone. Everybody seemed to be engrossed with whatever they were doing so she did not want to interrupt them. A thought occurred to Kathryn. What if they did not see her? Was she there in person? Were the little machines inside her causing these hallucinations? Was she dreaming?

_"No, you`re not dreaming, Katie. Welcome to the bridge. This is a Federation star ship called USS Voyager."_ Janeway heard a very familiar voice speak. In fact it was so familiar that she did not have to see who was speaking. It was herself, or rather, her other self.

" _Katie? You must be the Kathy Q talked about. Quentin said he knew someone who resembled me but he did not tell me where you lived."_

_"Not where i live but when i live. This is the 24th Century and i`m captain of this ship. We`re heading back home to the Alpha Quadrant. We`re currently in the Delta Quadrant, about twenty thousand light years away."_ Kathy said.

" _So how did i get here. I was at home, asleep in my bed and i woke up here. Am i dreaming_ Katie? _Am i dead?"_ The twenty first century engineer asked her counterpart.

_"Q must have transported you here just for his amusement."_ The captain said, disapproval colouring her tone. Kathryn knew instinctively that Quentin was a powerful alien disguised as a small local businessman.

_"Let`s go to my ready room and i`ll tell you all about it. Tuvok, you have the bridge."_ The Federation captain said as she led her counterpart to the ready room.

 

Annika sat up in bed holding Kathryn in her arms. Kathryn had a mild temperature and she had just given her some antibiotics as prescribed by doctor Zimmerman. He feared that this was just the beginning of Kathryn`s symptoms, that the nano machines`s lack of replenished energy were beginning to malfunction. He theorized that in their overworked and malfunctioned state the machines will eventually mistake Kathryn`s body not as the host but as a hostile invasion which needed to be defeated. When that happens Janeway`s immune system could easily be overtaken by them and she will be turned into clumps of metal. It was just a theory, he had assured Kathryn Janeway and Annika Hansen as they sat in his office one day. He suggested that Janeway`s team started to construct a machine which Kathryn could use to recharge the nano machines. He could place a laser and administer small doses of radiation to jolt the sluggish machines back to alertness. The good news was that he had already been successful with small samples Kathryn had given him a few weeks previously.  

 

Kathryn had started hallucinating but it was hard to tell whether her dreams were actual dreams or memories from somewhere or someone`s or whether she actually travels through time and space while she slept. Janeway woke up after one elaborate halucination or dream. As time went it was getting harder for Kathryn to tell whether she was dreaming or not. She started calling Annika "Seven" and was telling her something about a regenerating alcove and about meeting her double on a Federation star ship. When Annika, in tears, asked Kathryn to describe the alcove Kathryn had drawn an elaborate machine which could easily pass as real. Annika looked at her now sleeping girlfriend and let tears run down her cheeks freely. She vowed to be strong for her girlfriend but as Kathryn`s body became weaker as days went by Annika was finding things hard to handle. The rest of the propulsion team were aware of Kathryn`s deterioration and were willing to help their friend and leader. Harry Kim and B`Elanna Torres looked at the elaborate drawing of a regenerating alcove. They wondered what that exactly meant. Soon B`Elanna figured out that it meant exactly that. A charging machine meant for human hybrids such as Kathryn. The worked tirelessly for long hours to construct the alcove hoping against hope that it will be finished qiuck enough for Kathryn to use it.

 

Annika divided her time between working from home, studying the nano machine results the doctor sent her and looking after her sick girlfriend. Gretchen and Phoebe visited the couple again and suggested to move Kathryn to Bloomington but Janeway refused. She wanted to be with her girlfriend, stating that the times she had been with Annika were the happiest she had ever been in her life. She was grateful her mother and sister approved of their relationship. Phoebe cried to see her strong-willed sister so hopelessly ill. She went to Annika and asked her to go out for a coffee so that Gretchen could have a quiet time with Kathryn.

 

Quentin saw the women walk in and he quickly came round to meet them.

_"Where is Kathy?"_

_"At home with her mother. She is very ill, Q. We do not know if she will..."_ Annika broke down and started to cry. Q came round to the women`s table and produced a handkerchief, seemingly out of nowhere, and handed it to Annika. She looked up and thanked him. He awkwardly patted on her back to comfort her.

" _There, there. Don`t worry, Seven and Phoebe. Our Kathy will be alright. You`ll see."_ He said confidently. Something about how and what he said caused Annika to think about something. If Phoebe wondered about Quentin calling Annika by a number she did not mention it.

" _Q, do you know something i do not know about Kathryn?"_

_"Is that a trick question? Of course i know a lot of things about Kathy. She`ll go far. The space folding machine will be patented in her name because it was her idea. The group will co own it as well and young Harry , yourself and the Volatile One, Torres, will go on to make more machines..."_ Q realized his mistake as soon the words left his mouth. He closed it and placed a hand over it awkwardly as if he has never done it before. Phoebe`s eyes went wide with surprise.

" _I`m awfully sorry, Annika, dear. My husband has finally cracked. He has been acting up all week. He`s so obsessed with your friend, Kathy. I am not jealous though as i know that she`s too young for him, much much too young."_ Priscilla appeared out of thin air to join her husband stand before Annika and Phoebe`s table.

_"So are you two powerful aliens from the future? I want the truth."_ Annika`s blue eyes flashed at Kathryn`s friend, Quentin. Q looked at his wife and she slightly nodded at him.

_"Yes, we_   _are and we have been around for a while, observing your progress in technology and other areas. Initially we were attracted by your organization called NASA. We were particularly interested in the space folding engine which the machine people stole. They are called the Borg."_

_"The Burg?"_ Annika and Phoebe said in unison.

" _"Whatever! They`re not Swedish."_ Quentin said. " _We were strictly forbidden from intervening with whatever you do but i can`t stand losing Kathy. She`s too important. If she dies prematurely there will be chaos in the fabric of space and time. The Borg will be too powerful and we can`t go home and i don`t want to be in trouble with the time police. She must live."_ He said with authority. At this point Phoebe had stopped being surprised at what Quentin said about her older sister. She was trying to understand how important her awkward sister, Katie, was in the universe and she wondered when did she get involved with the universe, whatever "universe" meant. Annika thought of asking the aliens, Quentin and Priscilla, for help.

" _Can you help Kathryn get better?"_ Annika asked anxiously.

_"We aren`t allowed to."_ Quentin said sadly.

_"I know you are not allowed to interfere because of some universal rule to not interfere with inferior races but Kathryn is dying. So i ask you again, are you going to help her?"_

_"Very well. We will do it for you but don`t tell anyone or it will be messy and there will be chaos."_

_"We promise."_ Annika and Phoebe said in unison.

" _Once you return home, you will find her mother out shopping. Seven, you are to go to Kathy and do that ritual of yours, the one where you remove your garments and do things with each other. She will be better then."_ Quentin said while Priscilla rolled her eyes at the very badly phrased instruction.

_"Annika, Darling. What he`s trying to say is: Gretchen will be out. You are to go home to Kathryn and be intimate with her. The act will heal her. That`s all there is to it. I`m not going to go into details as to how that happens exactly but just go now and do it. Phoebe you are not to participate."_ The younger Janeway sibling did not know whether she should laugh, throw chairs at Priscilla or fall down on her knees and worship the god people for healing her elder sister.

**IN JANEWAY`S HOUSE**

_"Katie, i must go to the shops to get more coffee."_ Gretchen announced after kissing her daughter goodbye. She did not know if she would find her alive or not but if her little Katie dies she would not bear to see her go in misery. She would rather remember her as smiling.

 

" _Mum, why are you kissing me like that, as if i`m going to die soon? Trust me i`ll still be here when you get back, i promise."_ Kathryn joked. She wanted her mother to feel better but Kathryn`s breathing was affected so badly that she was placed on a ventilator. Doctor Zimmerman noted, in horror, that Kathryn`s lungs had solidified as metal. The lung tissues were made of the same metal that made up the nano machines. As the machines continued to eat her alive from within Zimmerman`s fears were turning to reality. Kathryn`s jugular vein was one of the few blood vessels left intact. Annika had been trained to administer medication and food effectively but everybody around her knew it was just a matter of time when she will expire. Strangely at this rate in her illness Kathryn continued to be jovial and was very much alert despite her physical body`s deterioration.

 

_"Kathryn. i am back. Have you been good?"_

_"I`m always good, Darling. Can i have some mango juice?"_ Annika was overjoyed at Kathryn`s request, that she asked for a fruit juice and not coffee.

_"So_   _what have you been up to?"_

_"I must make love to you, my Kathryn."_ Annika said as she moved to lie next to Kathryn. Then she sat up and disrobed. She returned to the bed and lay next to the reclining Janeway, naked as the day she was born. Janeway looked at her appreciatively. The full breasts with pink tipped nipples pebbled at Kathryn`s gaze which felt like a caress.

 

_"Annika, sit on my face."_ Janeway said causing Annika to hesitate. " _Well, if i am to die i want good memories. Take off my mask please, Darling?"_ So Annika did as instructed.

 

 

 


	7. Space/time and sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway and Hansen trade weird dreams stories where they both met "machine people" who place little machines in Kathryn`s body, then steal their invention to get them home.
> 
> Then Kathryn tries to find herself by befriending a work colleague.

_"Alright, people. Let`s continue_ on  _Monday. Have a lovely weekend."_ Janeway said to her team as they concluded the Friday meeting. She stood at the front of the lab and watched as everyone filed out. She was happy with the progress they made in the building of a prototype space folding engine. As the team walked out she hesitated. Kathryn has been trying to gather courage to ask someone out on a date. She had recently terminated her relationship with professor of Philosophy Mark Johnson. The reasons were very personal. In fact they were so personal that she did not want to admit to even herself that she was sexually attracted to women. During her long relationship with Mark he had tried to make sexual advances towards her but Janeway always found reasons to postpone things. From she was not feeling like having sex to the more popular reason that she was having her period. Johnson had been unusually patient with her, hoping that one day she will give her whole self to him. That day came in the form of Kathryn`s birthday, May the 20th. 

 

Mark had arranged a quiet romantic evening at his house. When Janeway arrived and he had presented her with a pair of diamond earrings. He kissed her, where Kathryn smelled alcohol on his breath, and led her to the couch. Kathryn saw a wine bottle and two glasses on a small table set for two. When Mark continued to kiss her and pushed her on to the couch then lifted her blouse up so he could caress her abdomen, Kathryn began to feel uncomfortable rather than getting aroused she stiffened under him. Mark was too far gone to sense her discomfort. He was still able to overpower her and managed to rip off some buttons off her blue blouse and got to her bra clad breasts. Mark then released a breast from its confines then brought his mouth down to a nipple and roughly sucked on it. In his dazed and drunken state he bit her hard causing Kathryn to cry out in pain. That brought the drunk boyfriend out of his frenzy. 

 

In that brief state of Mark`s hesitation, Kathryn pushed him away with all the strength she could muster and got up. She hit him on the head with the wine bottle and ran off through the back door of the house. In the backyard Kathryn quickly made herself as presentable as she could and walked home on the other side of town.

 

From that day she decided that she did not want to ever see the man again despite him pleading with her. She returned the diamond earrings which he refused to accept so Janeway had left them on the ground beside him. Mark kept going to Gretchen to ask her to talk to Kathryn to take him back. Finally Janeway told her mother the truth about what really happened and the reason why Mark had called her frigid. She was sexually attracted to women. Gretchen advised her daughter to be honest with herself and tell Mark the truth. So Kathryn had invited him to his mother`s house and told him. She remembered his outrage stating that she was going through a phase and that being intimate with him will bring things into perspective and make things real. Janeway looked at him incredulously and chased him out of her mother`s house. Later she felt sorry for him but not sorry enough to have him back as a lover, probably as an old friend. The man had eventually accepted Kathryn`s rejection and moved on. He went on to marry his secretary while Janeway still figured out what to do with herself.

 

Back in the present the NASA engineer continued to watch her team walk out of the lab. Then she saw her. The mysterious tall blonde woman. Janeway had been planning to invite her home to discuss installing a security camera in her house.  _"Well, it`s now or never,Katie. Talk to her!"_ Kathryn`s inner voice urged her on.

 

 _"Uh, Ms Hansen? Annika. May i have a word with you, please?"_ Kathryn asked in the most polite tone she could manage. She was so nervous and hoped it did not show on her face.

 

Annika Hansen nodded at something B`Elanna Torres was saying. She smiled brilliantly at Torres and they both raised a hand up and clapped them together in a  _high five_ gesture of triumph. Then Annika discreetly watched Janeway`s progress as she gathered her lap top computer, mobile phone and tablet. Janeway placed them in her hand bag and stood up watching the others walk out. " _It`s now or never, Annika. Ask her out!"_ Annika`s little voice said but Hansen could not do it. She was terrified as she had virtually no experience in relationships. She was a virgin. As she followed B`Elanna out of the lab she heard Kathryn call her name.

" _Uh, Ms Hansen? Annika. May i have a word with you, please?"_ Annika`s little voice jumped up and down with glee. The blonde had to tone things down a bit. She hoped that Kathryn wanted to socialize and not ask her to do some weekend project.

" _Very well."_ Hansen said and hoped that she did not sound too eager to Kathryn. She stood before the redhead and waited. They both stared at each other as if they were in a staring contest for a few seconds then Kathryn started to laugh. Annika laughed a small smile and that seemed to ease the tension between them.

" _Well, i, uh, just wanted to, uh, know whether you had plans for the weekend?"_ Someone had to say something or they would end up standing there for eternity, Janeway thought.

" _No, i do not have any plans for this weekend or the next few weekends to come."_ Janeway was overjoyed at the elaborate answer. Was this Annika`s way of telling Kathryn that she was available?

" _I was just wondering if i could interest you to join me at my house. I have this plan here for installing a security camera in my house. Do you think you could take a look at it and give me your opinion about it?"_ Janeway almost rolled her eyes at herself. She was being too formal. That was probably because she was nervous about the whole thing. She had never asked a woman out on a date. The only person she had been in a relationship with was Mark Johnson and their relationship was quite unexciting to say the least.

" _I would be honoured to accompany you to your house, Kathryn. Are we leaving now?"_ Annika asked with barely contained eagerness.

" _Yes, if that`s okay with you?"_

 _"I just need to make a quick call to someone before we leave?"_ Annika said and fished her smart phone out of her jeans pocket. She scrolled through the names and found Irene Hansen`s name and touched the green phone icon and put up the volume. Annika did not know why she felt the need to let Kathryn hear her conversation with her aunty.

_"Aunty, i will not be home on time this evening. I am going to Kathryn`s._

_"Kathryn? Is she okay? When will you bring her home?"_

_"I, uh, will have to ask her."_

_"Very well, you two have fun."_

_"Yes, Aunty."_ Annika said and hung up. She looked at Kathryn and watched with fascination as her boss blushed. She wondered why Kathryn seemed a bit embarrassed then soon understood the reason. She implied to her Aunty that the two were intimately involved. What a mess! Annika thought to herself. She smiled sheepishly and felt the need to apologize to her colleague.

 

Kathryn listened to the conversation between her colleague and her aunt. She wondered why Annika felt the need to let her listen in on the conversation and why did make the implication that the two were somehow involved. Janeway thought that may be a good thing. Perhaps Annika was attempting to let Kathryn close to her. If that was the case then it could mean that the feelings for each other is mutual. 

 

Kathryn drove silently until they reached at her favourite coffee shop called Q`s coffee shop. The two women walked in and sat at Kathryn`s usual table in the corner of the room. A tall, dark haired man came out to greet them and thanked Kathy for bringing a new customer. Janeway told him that Annika was a tea drinker which caused the man to pout. Janeway laughed and the man left to get their drinks. 

 

Annika watched Quentin and Kathryn`s interaction. They seemed to get along very well. Annika looked towards the counter in time to see a woman appear beside Quentin seemingly out of thin air and started talking to him. The blonde looked around at the other customers then at Kathryn. None of them seemed to have noticed it. She sighed inwardly thinking that her overactive imagination had gotten the best of her again. A few nights ago she dreamed that she and her long dead parents were on a space ship called,  _The Raven._ She was only six years old and Magnus and Erin, her parents, were on a mission to hunt machine people and ended up seventy thousand light years away from home. She shook her head as if to clearit of the strange dream and looked at Kathryn. Damn, she had missed something Janeway said. Her cheeks coloured and she looked at Kathryn sheepishly and fiddled with her hands in her lap.

" _Did you say something, Kathryn?"_

 _"I was just wondering where you had gone to? You seemed to be seventy thousand light years away, on the other side of the galaxy."_ Annika raised an eye brow at that specific description but said nothing. A few moments later she apologized for her lapse in attention.

 

Soon their drinks arrived and they drank black coffee for Kathryn and herbal tea for Annika.

 

" _Shall we go home?"_

_"Yes."_

 

Janeway drove home wondering how she was going to tell Annika how she felt. She finally settled on asking her to help her install the security camera in her bedroom. Kathryn`s little voice rubbed its hands in anticipation to see how Janeway was going to do this daring deed.

 

The women ate dinner and talked about a lot of things. For some reason their conversation started trading stories of their strangest dreams. Kathryn told Annika of her dream about machine people called Borg who stole their space folding engine and the experiments they did on her by infusing her system with nano machines. She also told Annika of meeting her double who was as star ship captain. Annika told her of her parents space ship called the Raven which went to hunt machine people and that Quentin was a powerful alien with godlike powers. The young woman did not, however, tell Kathryn the dream about Quentin`s wife advising her to make love to Kathryn to heal her when she was terminally ill. The moment Annika mentioned the machine people Kathryn realized that their dreams could be one thing. What if it was not a dream but a memory of their counterpart somewhere in time? 

_"Kathryn, does Quentin have a wife?"_

_"Yes, he always jokes about being married to her for three billion years."_ Janeway laughed but she failed to notice that Annika had a serious expression on her face.

 _"Is his wife`s name Priscilla?"_ The younger woman asked again.

" _Yes, why?"_

_"How did i know that? How come we shared similar dreams about the machine people, being lost seventy thousand light years away? Do you think we should investigate it sometime?"_

_"Yes, sometime..."_ Janeway said distractedly. She looked into Annika`s blue gray eyes dreamily. Annika cleared her throat and continued talking.

 _"If we have lived our lives before or there are alternate and parallel universes out there, then i believe we have been together before."_ Annika thought aloud causing Kathryn to smile at her. She wondered if this was Annika`s way of proposing to her. If it was then Janeway was quite happy to go along with the unconventional proposal.

" _I accept."_ Kathryn said. Annika knew that she had not asked any questions but if Kathryn took it as a proposal then she was quite happy to go along with it.

 

The women smiled and came close together to kiss for the very first time. They kissed for long moments savouring each other and appreciating the closeness they shared. Kathryn realized that she was starting to get a little hot and bothered because of the other woman`s curves. Annika seemed to want to escalate their interaction but Kathryn was holding back.

 _"Annika, do you want what i think you do?"_ Janeway asked breathlessly.

_"Is that a trick question?"_

_"No."_

_"Then yes, i want to make love to you but i do not know how to proceed. Could you show me how?"_

_"Gladly."_ Kathryn said knowing full well that she did not know the first thing regarding lovemaking with a woman, but she figured that they were both scientists, they will figure things out.

 


	8. Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway takes her friend into her bedroom to mount a security camera. Annika has an accident.

Kathryn Janeway had to use all her strength and mental capabilities to restrain herself from ravishing the blonde sitting next to her.

 _"Annika? i, uh, feel that we are going too fast. I would like to date you properly and get to know you better. Do you think that is what you may consider doing as well?"_ She held her breath half dreading the answer. When she looked at her companion, Annika`s shining blue eyes met her with love and something else. Desire. The young woman pouted but seemed to see some sense in what Janeway said.

 _"Very well._ _I_   _shall wait but only for your benefit as i_   _already know who you are and i_   _also_   _know_   _your_ _mother and younger sister."_ Annika said.

" _Huh? When did you meet my family?"_ Janeway was surprised and racked her brains to try and remember when the young woman met her mother and sister but she could not think of anything. Then one event came to mind. The team at the Propulsion laboratory often organized get together events and parties held at a different house each time. Gretchen and Phoebe were invited to a few of them and the senior Janeway had cooked her famous delicious food for the parties.

 _"Of course i have met and talked to Mrs Gretchen Janeway and Phoebe. I must say that i love your family. I believe later i will have to introduce you to my Aunty, Irene Hansen. She is my father`s older sister and she is very fond of you."_ Annika realized that she may have revealed too much for now so she stopped.

" _Fond of me?...but we`ve never met..."_    Janeway was getting confused. Things seemed to accelerate too fast for her but that made her love Annika more.

" _It`s a secret, Kathryn. Maybe i will tell you sometime."_ The young woman saidand Kathryn had a feeling that they were not talking about the same thing when Annika said the word  _sometime_. The present is the future, the future is the past, it always gave her headaches but Kathryn let things go for now.

_"Are you ready?"_

_"Ready for what? I thought you said that we`re travelling too fast?"_ Annika raised an eye brow at her companion.

" _No, i meant, uh, i was talking about...what was i talking about?"_ Janeway willingly fell into the blue pools now trained on her blue gray gaze. What was it about this woman which always managed to derail her from a train of thought. More importantly how could anyone raising an eye brow make the simple task look so sexy? Kathryn wondered.

 

Finally the women got up, to Annika`s disappointment, but she did not want to scare Kathryn off by her enthusiasm in their new relationship. The young woman was sitting at Kathryn`s computer desk in the bedroom while Janeway sat on the bed. Annika was looking up the security camera`s original plans to see if she could polish it up. She rather liked the design so she left it intact without altering anything on it.

" _Do you have the camera parts, Kathryn?"_

_"What? You want us to install it now, at 10 pm?"_

_"There is no time like the present..._ " Annika said causing Janeway to look at her oddly. There were some things which Annika said that she could vaguely remember from somewhere but the memories were foggy. She dismissed it as she had to concentrate on fighting a new distraction. Annika seemed to try and find every opportunity to touch her, breaking their agreement of taking things slowly, in the process. 

 

The young woman was standing on a small ladder so that she could reach the corner of the ceiling to place some brackets where she was going to mount the camera. Janeway held the ladder so Annika could concentrate on screwing the bolts and nuts to hold the camera to the brackets. As she used the drill she lost her grip on the ladder and fell to the floor. The woman cried in agony as she thought she heard her thigh bone crack.

 

Janeway made her friend comfortable by placing a pillow under her head and took her phone to call an ambulance. She also contacted Irene to inform her of the accident. As they waited for the ambulance Janeway held the young woman close, reassuring her that everything will be alright. Soon the ambulance crew arrived and so did Irene Hansen. The crew assessed the young woman and suspected that she may have a few fractures. They gave her a strong narcotic painkiller and placed her on a stretcher. Janeway went with her in the ambulance van, not wanting to leave her friend alone. Irene drove to the hospital at the same time the ambulance left with the patient.  

 

Annika was wheeled to the operating theatre because x rays showed that she had a large fracture in her femur in her left thigh and a smaller one in the tibia further down the leg. Janeway was not allowed in the operating room but the attending Orthopedic surgeon was Janeway`s friend, Dr Lewis Zimmerman. He assured Kathryn that he was going to inform her of the progress. As Janeway sat on the bench, looking dejected, Irene came and sat next to her. The older woman held the younger woman tightly and hugged her.

" _I_   _know you love her, Kathryn. She will be alright. She`s in good hands."_ Irene said soothingly while rubbing Kathryn`s back.

 _"Yes, Aunty Irene."_ Janeway said naturally without realizing that she had just called Irene  _aunty._

 _"Do you want to talk to your mother?"_ Janeway smiled at that. It was easy to see where Annika got her enthusiasm from. It was hereditary. She frowned when she realized that Annika had told her aunt about their relationship before they were even together. She, on the other hand, was yet to say anything to her family.


	9. Deja vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kes and Neelix suffer an episode of deja vu...or do they?

_"Ms Hansen, i need to speak with you in my office as soon as possible."_ Dr Zimmerman said while looking at Irene Hansen as he and the attending anesthetist wheeled Annika to a private room off the doctor`s office. Annika`s fractures turned out to be quite complicated. Her femur was broken in three places and shattered to bits. A large piece had torn through her thigh and protruded through her skin. There was also a crack on her left pelvic bone. The tibial fracture was quite straight forward. The young woman has to have another operation to her thigh so the doctor could place an artificial metal support pin to aid the fractures heal. While he operated on the femur earlier on he discovered that Annika`s broken bones were being aligned without the doctors input. When he took a sample to look under the microscope he found that the red cells looked an odd shape. So Zimmerman sent his assistant, Kes, to send a sample of blood and tissue biopsy to the biochemistry department for analysis. The lab assistant on call, Neelix, looked under the electron microscope and found numerous nano machine like things swarming in the blood and tissue sample.

" _Kes, Sweetie. It`s me. Can you break off for a bit? I need to talk to you. It`s urgent."_ Neelix rang his girlfriend from a phone which was on the wall just off his laboratory.

 _"What`s it about, Neelix? We`re busy here."_ Kes said.

_"The patient in room 17 is not human!"_

_"Neelix, what are you talking about? She`s Annika Hansen, Kathryn Janeway`s friend. You know her, she works at the Propulsion Laboratory with our other friends. However, thinking about it again, i think you`re onto something. Can you keep secrets? I`ll ask Doctor Zimmerman in the morning before we go home. Promise?"_   Kes said through the phone.

 _"Promise."_ Neelix said and hung up. As Neelix hang up he was just in time to see a dark figure disappear in the corner off the corridor where Neelix was using the phone. The diminutive lab specialist realized that someone may have overheard him speak to Kes about the samples.

 _"Oh, dear. This could get very messy."_   He sighed and looked at the wall clock. It was 07:30. Almost time to go home. He was looking forward to go to bed and cuddle with his girlfriend, Kes. They were lucky this week that they got to work identical shifts. That meant that they would have some quality time together, a rare treat in their busy work schedules.

 

The short phone conversation would have been strange to anyone listening in on the couple`s conversation but Neelix has seen far too many strange things lately. He had recently confided in Kes that he believed that he had lived this life before, that he was told to keep his knowledge of the strange blood and tissue samples, only that the samples belonged to Kathryn Janeway. Both he and Kes were told that the samples had _out of this world technology._ Neelix wondered whether he imagined the whole scenario but it all seemed too familiar, too realistic to just be dismissed. The only difference was that it was Annika, not Kathryn, who possessed the nano machines this time round. As he worried about his possible deja vu scenario, a new concern arose where the dark figure may have overhear him talk to Kes. He sighed and saw the quiet times he planned to be with girlfriend dissolve into suspicion of everyone around him.

 

Doctor Zimmerman called Irene in the office and told her of the strange findings. He asked the older woman many personal questions regarding the young woman, Annika. Irene explained that Annika has never really been ill as a child. She knew this because the young woman practically lived with her when she was a little girl as her entomologist parents traveled all over the country to do research into insects which lived as colonies and hives, to understand their social hierarchies and structures. They were an eccentric pair who often took unnecessary risks endangering the young girl`s life in the process. Irene had no choice but to offer to baby sit young Annika when she saw how unsafe the environment the young girl lived in. Most of the time she was left alone, she played alone, conjuring up imaginary friends to play with and building her own toys. The couple, Magnus and Erin, were studying bees one day when a single insect found its way through the protective gear Erin wore over her head. She got bitten and went anaphylaxis shock and she instantly died. Magnus died of grief much later. Irene had no trouble to officially adopt her niece because she had been living with Annika since the young woman was a child. 

 

Zimmerman wondered whether Annika`s parents had the key to the mysterious machine blood in the young woman`s circulatory system and other body tissues. He decided to ask Irene to help research into Hansen`s family history to see if he could come up with some answers. In the meantime he took an x ray of Annika`s leg, which boasted a full length back slab, to check the fractures` alignment. The x ray revealed that there was no fracture. Somehow the leg was healed. How could it be healed so quickly. Zimmerman knew he was dealing with something far greater than any physician had come across. It could only be described as a miracle but he needed a second opinion. Who does he consult to verify his theory?  

 

Annika woke up from the cottony fog of the anesthesia. She looked around and saw the familiar face of Kathryn Janeway seated on the chair next to the bed. When she looked farther away she saw her Aunty, who was really her mother, sitting and reading a magazine. A few disposable coffee cups dotted the small table indicating how long the women had been sitting in the room with Annika.

" _Hi Kathryn, Aunty. You`re still here?"_ She asked groggily. The anesthetic had slowly worn off and now she could see only one Kathryn and one Irene in the room unlike before when their images were so jumbled she thought the room was crowded with clones of Kathryn and her Aunty.

 _"Yes, Honey. Where else would i be?"_ Irene asked in a motherly tone, causing Annika to roll her eyes.

" _Aunty, i`m not a baby anymore. You can leave me alone, i will be alright."_ Annika said as she realized that her older aunt may be tired and needed to go to bed soon. Kathryn offered to drive Irene home and return to the hospital with some of Annika`s toiletries.

 

On her way back to the hospital the following morning, Janeway had bought some things like toiletries and foods Annika liked. She knew the young woman would be surprised at the foods Kathryn bought. Janeway had been secretly checking and cataloging what foods Annika liked and she bought them. Kathryn believed Annika will cheer up by the comfort foods.


	10. Complicated chaos

Seska Pemberton worked in the George Washington University Hospital in the laboratories department along with Neelix. It displeased the woman greatly that Neelix was promoted over her and she made sure he never forgot that fact. Pemberton was constantly scrutinizing Neelix`s tasks, trying to find flaws. The two were never friends despite working together in the same department for more than five years. Seska thought Neelix was a  _kiss up_ , constantly trying to please Doctor Lewis Zimmerman and trying to find favours from him.

 

The woman discreetly followed Neelix one night and overheard what he and Kes were conversing about. She had bugged the hospital phone, the very one Neelix had used to talk to his girlfriend the other day. Neelix had confided in Kes that he thought that Annika Hansen, in the Orthopedic ward, Room 17, was not human. Seska believed that if she sold the story to the press, perhaps she will gain fame and money. Then she could quit her job and train to be a spy. Pemberton knew that she had strange taste in life but it was her life and she had a right to live it as she pleased. However, deep down she knew that her hatred started when her ex boyfriend, Peter Chakotay, had terminated their relationship three years ago. Seska had been bitter and wanted to revenge in some way but she found the man to be too innocent and she did not want to cause him harm. The truth was that Seska was still in love with him. So she decided to vent her frustration on the closest thing she could find and that turned out to be Neelix. 

 

The time was 02:00. Seska gingerly approached the phone in the corridor. She looked up and down the corridor to ensure she was not being watched then she fished her smart phone out of her lab coat and dialed a few numbers on the wall phone. She listened to the conversation while taping it on her hand held device. Seska then quickly placed her phone in the pocket and walked briskly into the lab office she shared with Neelix and others. She saw Neelix sitting at the computer, entering some data. The woman smiled sweetly at him but when Neelix looked up and saw her smiling at him, he immediately knew that something was very wrong.

 

 

THE END.

 

 


End file.
